Mom, if you are reading this, I'm sorry. I know you don't like it when I "say" it out loud.
I like girls, and boys. Both of them equally, although I seem to find it easier to be in a relationship with a man. Women are too complex and emotional. But that doesn't stop me from being outrageously attracted to them.
Today at Trader Joe's, I saw a very beautiful woman. I pointed her out to Quinn as we are always open about that sort of thing. Sometimes we get caught checking out the same girl and it's a bit awkward.As her and I passed each other, she smiled at me. I blushed. Quinn encouraged me to talk to her but I couldn't do it.
We're checking out and all of a sudden the girl is behind me in line. Tall and beautiful with slightly olive skin and green eyes.
We both go to grind our coffee at the same time. I start to feel really nervous.
She says something to me but I can't remember what and I ask her where she's from because she has an accent. She's from New Zealand. Another hot Kiwi, imagine that.
She asks where I'm from and I shrug and say Miami, nothing special. And she responds with, "you're beautiful". I begin to panic. Is she flirting? Is she just nice? And then she says she noticed me in the aisle and thought I was "amazing".
Inner voice: "Gah! What!?! Uh, oh my god! You're so hot!"
Outer voice: "oh, ha, uh thank you. I was thinking the same thing about you."
Inner voice: "ok, not bad. What now?"
We talk about my arm tattoo for a moment and about the elephant on her ankle. She mentions something about getting a tattoo with a girlfriend, but I can't tell what kind of girlfriend she means. And then she's done grinding her coffee and flitters off and I'm stunned and walk outside to meet Quinn.
"How did it go?" - Quinn
"she said I was beautiful." - Me
"What? She just said that? Did you get her number?" - Quinn
What Quinn doesn't understand is that it's not that simple. I have a boyfriend. Quinn is my boyfriend. And although I know he is comfortable with my attraction to other woman, I know he would not be comfortable with me dating another woman, and neither would I. I love Quinn, I don't need more than one relationship. This one is everything I need and more.
But that doesn't mean I don't miss the feeling of another woman.
But say I did get this girl's number, and then I went on a date with her. I would have to tell her that I have a boyfriend. I can't imagine her response would be anything other than, "what the hell are you doing here then?". And then am I supposed to say, "I just want to have sex with you"?
Yeah, that's going to go over swimmingly.
My friends, it is not easy being bisexual and in a committed relationship. Notatall.
Posts
bryan and i always say that monogamy is not the natural go-to response. it's a choice with levels of the grass being greener and whatnot. we choose to be together, regardless of the alternatives, but it is a choice all the same...never a given.
ReplyDeletewould quinn be as open to your flirtations if it were with another man? is it the idea of another woman that makes him feel safe? (these questions are not meant to sound condescending or judgmental at all...i hope they aren't coming across as such.)
if that's the case, i could definitely see how it would be so so much harder to be a bisexual woman in a relationship with a man. the boundaries are just that much more grey.
that top photo is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI know that it would not bother Quinn if I was to flirt with another man because I think he knows how much I love him and he knows who I'll be going home to.
ReplyDeleteHowever, he would not encourage me to get a phone number. And that I understand. I think it's easier to feel safe with me flirting with a girl because it's not an insult to him, it doesn't suggest that he is lacking in any way, except for the fact that he has hair on his face and lacks a pair of boobs. He can hardly be blamed for that.
Also, there's the whole evolutionary instinct thing that tells a man to be wary of other men getting a hold of their woman. It's base and many "feminists" would frown upon it, but he have to admit it is there. Despite being leaps and bounds more evolved than other species, we still carry those basic survival instincts.
that's makes perfect sense. i've always known that if a man were to leave me for another man it wouldn't bother NEARLY as much as if he left me for another woman.
ReplyDelete