Sunday, April 11, 2010

There are times in your life when suddenly you look around and you think to yourself, "how the hell did I end up here?". Not in any negative way, just in a very realistic, self-investigative kind of way. Perhaps this is what an out of body experience feels like. My angst ridden 13 year old self has popped her head in from the past and is amazed at how far from her reality this future woman is.

Our lives take us down so many roads, and seemingly inconsequential decisions make up our paths until one day you're riding down Sunset boulevard in fucking Los Angeles, thinking to yourself, "how the hell did I end up here? this is my life? what the fuck is going on?" Like that time you somehow ended up at the Chateau Marmont on Halloween watching Lindsey Lohan dance around drunkenly.

I'm pretty sure that's what this song is all about:

Oh, that David Byrne is a nutty character.

I wrote the first part of this entry when I got home from Hollywood Billiards, still drunk (much editing was needed) after celebrating Quinn's 27th birthday for the 4th night in a row (I love birthdays and firmly believe in birthday weeks).

I can trace my path up to this point in my life all the way back to so many tiny thoughtless "yes!(s)".
When I said "yes" to running off to a hostel in the forest and living in treehouses when I was 18. When I said "yes" to a stranger who asked me if I wanted to go to Ireland. When I said "yes" to living with a friend in Boston. When I said "yes" to a simple movie with a girl I didn't know. When I said "yes" to going to a party that a friend of said girl later invited me to. When I said "yes" to a date with hot man at said party. When I said "yes" to moving across the country with someone I hardly knew. When I said "yes" to walking to Trader Joes with the neighbor guy named Quinn. When I said "yes" to a horrible job that ended up leaving me with a good amount of money and great experience.

When you're young life seems like such a great big span of endlessness stretching out forever. It's as though you'll always be the way you are and have the life you have now. I'm still in this stage in my life but I'm far enough along now to sense that time is moving faster and age is coming on quicker. What my life will look like at 80 is still a blackness and 45 is only a fuzzy image not unlike a Monet painting. Everything between two years from now and 45 is also blackness with an occasional flicker of an image.

And now here we are, getting ready to leap into the adventure of a lifetime. I wouldn't be able to do this without Quinn. Having someone equally crazy enough to sell all their possessions and risk conjuring Malaria just to work on a farm in third world countries, has somehow made it less of a crazy idea.

So Happy Birthday Quinn. I'm exceptionally happy that you exist and are in my life.

1 comment:

  1. i think saying 'yes' is far less crazy than saying 'no.'
    it's just that 'no' is so much easier to explain.
    i can't wait to hear about your adventures and see what happens along the way for me at the same time.
    p.s. happy birthday, quinn.